Monday, November 12, 2012

A New Beginning, and Some Updates


Can't wait to meet this little peanut!
So ya’ll may have noticed that I stopped posting here for awhile.  It wasn’t really a conscious decision; I just got so tired of feeling obligated to write every day, and worrying about how my thoughts would be received.  I also hated the business side of blogging – the networking and the advertising and the affiliate programs.  I just wanted to write, not launch a full-scale social media campaign (which is funny, because I enjoy social media and digital marketing when I’m not doing it for myself!).  So I just stopped.

But after a few months of silence, I realized I missed having an outlet (and an audience!) for the meanderings of my crazy mind.  So I’ve decided to re-embrace this blog, but in a way that feels good and right for me.  I’ll write whenever I want, even if it means I disappear for weeks at a time.  I’ll also write whatever I want, even if that means long stretches where I post nothing but political rants or vegan recipes or cute pictures of Trey - and not a blessed thing else.

In that spirit, right now I’m going to do what feels right and jump right into a few paragraphs catching you up with my life over the past few months.

As many of you know, my grandfather was terribly ill for seven months (and his health hadn’t been great before that, either).  He passed away on October 8.  I’ve already unburdened my soul in great detail about this topic on Facebook, and I’m too weary to rehash it.  Suffice it to say, it was a terrible blow, even though it was expected.  You can never really prepare yourself for that kind of wrenching, life-altering loss.

In happier news, a few weeks ago, Donnie and I announced our pregnancy on Facebook.  We can’t wait until May to meet our new little bundle of joy.  We don’t know the gender yet, but we're very eager to find out – we’re way too impatient to wait for a surprise!

As delighted as we are by this pregnancy, it has come with a heavy burden.  I’ve been suffering severe pre-natal depression, so crippling that some days I wonder how I’m going to get out of bed.  I’ve been plagued with overwhelming sadness, anxiety, strong feelings of hopelessness, a very short temper, extreme fatigue, debilitating headaches, and occasional bouts of terrible confusion.  I hate talking about it, but at the same time I don’t really see many folks tackling this topic in the parenting blogosphere.  Most of the attention seems to be focused on the better-known, and much more common, topic of post-partum depression.

I experienced similar emotional trauma during my first pregnancy, but my symptoms disappeared immediately after Trey was born.  I have high hopes that the same will be true this time around.  In the meantime, I’m doing my best to relax, drink tea, make time for myself, and let go of minor irritations (I’m not doing very well, but at least I’m trying!) 

On November 20, I have my first appointment with a new midwifery office, where one of the practitioners specializes in treating hormonally-based depression.  She employs some complementary treatments, such as acupuncture and vibrational medicine, in her practice.  I’m curious to speak with her and see what she has to say about my particular case.  I’m rather terrified of acupuncture, and I generally think alternative medicine is a load of hogwash, but I’ll try to be open minded about her suggestions.

So that’s where I am in my life right now – thrilled to meet the new baby, while simultaneously depressed as hell.  Oh, and looking forward to completely spoiling Trey at Christmas.  But more on that later.  What have you been up to lately? 

6 comments:

  1. I really believe that you will enjoy acupuncture and it will help with your emotions. You should get the book I was mentioning on my blog that deals with Infertility and Eastern medicine. Even though it focuses on infertility it also focuses on general wellness physically, emotionally and spiritually. I seriously learned so much just flipping through it.

    Have you started a gratitude journal? I know it sounds so silly but it really has helped me alot. I am so high strung and super sensitive and super bottled up. Even saying that I was thankful for my Bejeweled high score, as silly as that is, makes me realize that maybe I am worrying my life away and not enjoying the moments. I think Trey brought you back to the now and the gratitude journal does that for me, maybe for you?

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  2. I'll have to check that book out. I'll see if they have it in the library.

    Gratitude exercises actually never work for me. I end up feeling guilty about how good I have it compared to other people in the world, and then I feel guilty for being depressed, and then I feel guilty for not doing more to help others, and then it's just a giant shit storm of emotional badness.

    But being with Trey always does wonders for my emotional state. He's a piece of cake, behavior-wise, so he rarely causes me stress. Instead, his love for me and the way he needs me keeps me sane and keeps me from going off the deep end!

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  3. I'm not sure how I missed your FB announcement, but congrats again to you on your pregnancy! How was your appointment yesterday?

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    1. Thanks, somehow I missed this comment!

      My appointent went very well; I like my new midwife, although she is a bit more of a MEDwife (for instance, she only does hospital births). She was very kind, not at all condescending (a BIG problem I had when I was pregnant with Trey), and definitely trusts me to make good pregnancy decisions.

      There aren't a ton of options for midwifery in the area, and even fewer that offer evening hours (for instance, the midwives associated with University of Pennsylvania don't have any appointments after 3 PM, ever!) So I feel very lucky just to have found someone who supports natural birth, even in a hospital setting, and treats me like an individual rather than just one more random uterus to be dealt with.

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  4. As someone who suffered from PPD, my heart goes out to you! Have you been checked for gestational diabetes? There is a strong correlation between GD and pregnancy related depression.

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    1. Thanks, Maria. I had GD last time, so it's very likely that I will again, this time. I didn't know about the link between GD and depression, though.

      I've been trying to follow the GD diet already, even without being diagnosed, but have definitely been cheating. I'll have to do better about that; maybe it will help my depression...

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